How to manage your social exhaustion
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Lately, I have been socially exhausted. I moved to a new city, and that means that everything – the people, the way to the supermarket, the language – is new. For a person who recharges in both solitude and routine, this transition can be tough.
According to personality tests, I am either 52% extroverted and 48% introverted or exactly the other way around, meaning 52% introverted. I guess my 'scores' were depending on my mood at the time I was taking the long multiple-choice question test (a very common one is the 16personalities-test, it's worth checking it out if you’ve never heard of these). If you don’t like taking online quizzes, here is an easier option: ask yourself: ‘How do I recharge?’ Do I feel most comfortable in solitude, or do I thrive in the company of others? If you feel that you can be both, you are probably somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. |
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Personalities are not black and white, it is actually completely common that you can enjoy both types of social situations. I, for example, know that I mostly recharge in solitude, but in the right social situation, I can recharge as well.
But when you are around new people, and some of those people are extremely extroverted, it is hard to explain yourself without offending anyone. Society by default caters to extroverts more than introverts. You are expected to network, go to parties, meet and make friends, and interact constantly, but not everyone is equally social. 'I just need some time for myself' sounds way too similar to the breakup classic: 'I just need time and space!'
I believe that being true to yourself is the best thing you can do in this kind of scenario. While topics on personality are becoming more common to discuss, people are still pushed into social situations they do not feel comfortable in. While it’s true that you grow when you leave your comfort zone, you need to take baby steps as opposed to diving into the deep end. Give yourself time to recuperate. Pushing yourself to the limit for the sake of maintaining friendships, meeting expectations, or not disappointing anyone is simply not sustainable.
Here are some tips to mitigate social exhaustion:
1. It is okay to change your mind, but thinking ahead for yourself is smarter
Don’t make plans to go out to the club with your friends after a long shift at work. Make sure you have enough alone time before committing to a social outing. For me, social gatherings are especially strenuous if they queue up right after each other. I often say yes to attend a lot of events and only realize right before that I will not manage to cope with them all at once. I am overcommitting at times, and end up canceling events or coming up with excuses like ‘I don’t feel well, I think I’ll stay in bed and rest’. I realize now: excuses are no good. Try to keep an open schedule for yourself and don’t overcommit to social events when you know it will be strenuous. Plan your weeks and months ahead not only according to your schedule, but also according to your battery levels.
2. Forget the FOMO
For those of you who may not be familiar with the lingo, FOMO is the fear of missing out. I used the be the type of person who gets FOMO every time I couldn’t partake in something my friends where doing. Now, I am growing more and more comfortable in saying what I need. I can sense when it has been too much, and I can treat myself to a good book and a hot cup of tea in my room. It is important to make yourself understand that you are in fact not missing out on anything because you are doing something instead that is way better for yourself. FOMO can only exist if you make yourself believe that what you are doing is less important and less fun than what others are doing.
3. Don’t be afraid to say no
If you feel like this type of exhaustion applies to you, maybe try being a bit more communicative about your needs. You are not obligated to attend every social gathering that you’re invited to, and it’s okay to put yourself and your mental health first.
4. RESPECT OTHERS NEED FOR PERSONAL SPACE
If you read this and sense that you could be one of the people always pushing others to hang out, not accepting a 'no' at times, maybe try to develop a feeling for when you might be asking for a little much. Recognize that others, like you, may need some time to themselves occasionally, don’t push anyone into an uncomfortable situation.
5. Be honest with yourself
I want to stress again that it is most important that you are being honest with yourself - don't go to a social gathering, even if it is with your best friends, if you do not feel like it. In the long run, the more other people understand about all the facets of your social interaction, the smoother your relationships will be. Because let’s be real, who wants a tired, quiet party-pooper as a plus one tonight if they could have a relaxed, caring friend tomorrow.
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I do not claim to have the perfect recipe for when you should go and hang out with your friend and when you should stay in and order Chinese food. This is only an attempt to raise awareness on the topic. Take these tips into consideration, but recognize that it takes time to find this balance, and you owe it to yourself to make sure that you are comfortable.
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Becci Fobbe
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